Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Confessions from my heart

Do you ever struggle with fear of the future?
Do you ever struggle with not being in "control" of every detail of your life?

For the last few months, I have been struggling with these things. You would think that with all the Lord has brought me through to this point, I would have already learned to rest in Him and wait on Him for His perfect will to be worked out in my life!!! But, no, I seem to constantly have to be reminded of these things!

Only a few nights ago, the Lord showed me once again how I was in need of repentance and cleansing for the sins I had allowed in my life--pride, selfishness, disobedience. Even idolatry, for I had taken my eyes, my focus, off of Christ alone and had placed it instead on myself and my "needs." I was to the point where I was no longer making God's Word a priority in my life. This is an area where I struggle often--daily time with the Lord, reading and praying.

It amazes me how Christ refuses to let me go! Even with my inward refusals to try to read His Word, He used the novels I was engrossed in to bring my mind to His word anyway!!! Every book I picked up spoke about a Christian struggling to walk with the Lord and keep their mind on Christ. The verses and prayers that those fictional characters uttered spoke to my rebellious heart. I knew that the Spirit was speaking to me, even in my sinful willfulness, to draw me once again to the cross.

I am so thankful that though my falls may be great or may be often, Jesus will never leave me! He will never let me go back to the pit! He promises to hear my cries and pick me up again and bring me back into the fold.

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1

I can say today that though I'm surrounded by uncertainties, I am once again resting on Christ. Maybe this time, I will learn to daily ask for His grace and daily keep my eyes on my Saviour! Please pray for me that His will would be my focus, that His will would be my desire. May our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ be glorified in me and through me!


Christy said...

I love you.

That's a lesson I need to learn over and over, also. I'm glad that you shared.

How is everything in SA? I hope all is well. I've been thinking of y'all and keeping in prayer.

I hope your mom can rest a little now and that she will be able to restore her strength and feel better.

Love you. I know I started out with that, but sometimes it bears repeating. :)

Mrs. Jamie Butts :) said...

I enjoy your Blog. Okay, so I finally finished "the story" for ya! Can't wait to see ya'll soon. Hope your mom is doing much better!