Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Eight years

It seems like a long time, but really, it's such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of eternity. But to me, that is how long I've had a piece of my heart missing, a piece of my family, forever gone.

Most people see our little family of three boys and one on the way and inevitably comment about how much we must want a girl.  Sometimes, I want to scream that I DO HAVE A DAUGHTER, I just didn't get to keep her and watch her grow up. *sigh*  Obviously, I would never actually be that rude insensitive.  Abigail will always be the missing part of our family, the part that you may not see, but the part we will always carry in our hearts.

For some reason, I feel more sad  than some of the past years.  Maybe it's because I know so many who have lost their sweet babies in the past four months.  I don't know.  But I ache for all that we will never have.  I miss my little girl. I wish I could see what she would look like at eight years old.  What color would her hair be?  Darker like Daddy's or light and fine, but thick like mine?  I wish I could hear what her voice would sound like. I wish I could see her snuggled up with her daddy.  I wish I could see her bossing her around her little brothers.  I wish I could have her climb into bed with me in the morning.  I wish...I wish...I wish...too many thing to count.  So much lost and never to be. My heart hurts.

Oh, God, please kiss my baby girl for me and help me to be patient, to accept, all over again, that what You have chosen for her is BEST for her and for us.  Help me to not hurt so much.  Help us to remember the little things and find joy in what time You gave us with her.  Help me to praise You even through the tears, for truly, You are worthy!

Happy birthday, sweet girl.  We love you so much and will keep you always, close to our hears.
Love, Mommy


sarahdodson said...

That was beautifully written, Rebekah. I'm so sorry for your pain in missing your daughter Abigail. I remember first hearing. I was overwhelmed with grief and sadness. How much more her parents and family??! May the Lord hold you close and give great comfort to your heart. Your husband, too!

Cindy Walker said...

I too miss Abigail I have her name as my sign in on my computer and think of her a lot. She was such a beautiful little girl, and I look forward to seeing her again some day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY my sweet granddaughter we love you!!!

Misty said...

Rebekah, I am so sorry. This pain would be unbearable without the Lord it seems. Praying for you.