How deceiving the computer screen can be!!!
Too often we read blogs, updates on Facebook or emails and make assumptions about the person on the other side. They have it all together. They know how to do it all. They have the perfect relationship with their husband, children, family. They have achieved a "higher level" of spirituality and never fall or fail or struggle with sin. We forget that that post or note is just a snap shot of a moment in time, never an accurate picture of reality. No one shares everything, and too often we only share the best side of ourselves with the cyber world. Sadly, this is too often true in our real life relationships as well.
I want to try to be more true to my life. It could get messy. It could be ugly. It's going to take some humility on my part, but ultimately, it could be more glorifying to God because it will be a picture of me, a sinner who fails miserably, but is washed continually in the blood of Christ and restored again and again to the place of rest found only in a saving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
Are Christians perfect? Often they are "expected" to be, but the absolute truth is that we are only human. Therefore, by definition, we are prone to falter and fail and sin. In fact, until one comes to the understanding of no ability in themselves to become better or change, they cannot become a Christian. Psalm 116:6- The LORD preserveth the simple(someone unable to help themselves in any way): I was brought low and he helped me. Only in humility will anyone find the saving hand of Jesus, for He saves the poor, the needy, those who recognize the true hopelessness of being born a sinner into a sinful world with no inward ability to restore that relationship with the Creator God.
The last few years have brought so much pain, so many questions, so much doubt and too much anger into my heart and mind. I have doubted the love of God. I have screamed (yes, literally, not being dramatic here!) at Him to make me understand the "Why????" of all that was falling apart around me and within me. Why such seemingly continuous loss? Why such pain? Why such doubt and struggle? Why so many betrayals? Why so much SIN and FAILURE in my life????
Does that shock you? I think it shocks me to write it. I've always been good at putting on a face when I walk out my door, but the truth is that failure has been my constant companion, falling has been my norm.
I wonder why in the world the Almighty God continues to show me His love and continues to give me moments of light and hope, even in the face of defiant disobedience. The truth? Only because He has promised to love me. He chose me. He knew I would face this season of struggles, of rise and fall, rise and fall, rise and fall. A roller coaster ride wouldn't have as many ups and downs as my emotions have had these past months! He knew I would betray Him. He knew that I would turn to Him for forgiveness, only to fall again in the next moment! He knew before time began that I would be me, and that I would have these weaknesses, that I would give into the pull of certain sins. But you know what?? That is the amazing love and mercy of the Lord Jesus Christ!!! He loved us when we were yet sinners-SINNERS!! Depraved, wholly unlovable, completely without anything to cause any to love us. Yet He did. He does. Even when I give in to the sin, He is there to draw me back through His love and mercy.
Have I reached a place of completely overcoming? NO!! In fact, I fear tomorrow will hold many more failures, but I'm beginning to slowly grasp again the simplicity of the truth that the Spirit of God spoke to my heart the night Jesus saved me. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness." I John 1:9. It really is that simple. But it's not easy. It can only be worked in my heart by God's miraculous power, but that is why it is possible! It's only in Christ, His love, His sacrifice, His workings within us that we are kept and sustained in a life of following Jesus and seeking His will for each day, each decision, each moment. It's not about doing, but about being totally dependent on Christ alone for every need, for every strength, for everything. There's nothing that I do or don't do as a Christian, as a wife or as a mother that keeps me in His love and on the right path. Only Jesus' power is capable of that. Nothing I commit to in my daily life is going to make me better or keep me from falling. I can only seek to stay focused on Christ's work for me and in me. The gospel is the power of God unto salvation for the sinner and the saint. I need to remind myself again and again of these truths and rest in the sufficiency of Jesus Christ and simply trust that He has the power to keep my soul from death.
Psalm 116 :1-13
I love the LORD, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.
The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.
Then called I upon the name of the LORD; O LORD, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea, our LORD is merciful.
The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee.
For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.
I will walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
I believed, therefore have I spoken: I was greatly afflicted:
I said in my haste, All men are liars.
What shall I render unto the LORD for all his benefits toward me?
I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD.
Maybe I'll be able to share more of what's been going on behind the computer screen in my life, but now isn't the time. I hope these verses that the Lord has been using in my heart and mind to calm my struggles and answer my uncertainties will help someone else tonight.