Three years, next week...has it been that long already? The memories come; it seems like yesterday at times. The feelings, the emotions, the pictures in my head--they all wear on me.
I can still see her face. I can still feel her weight on my chest. I see those perfect, little fingers...perfect, yet, lifeless. Those beautiful eyes, forever closed. That perfect, rosebud mouth, forever silent. Yet, how her memory stays alive in my mind!The sights, the sounds, the smells of spring...they used to be heralds of a beautiful, happy time of year. Now, they bring sadness. They remind of a baby girl "born an angel."
Will I allow these thoughts to overwhlem me this time? Will I lose myself once again in sorrow and grief? Is this how I will always remember her...with grief and tears? Will there never be smiles and laughter?
There can be...I know that. I've even had that! Yet, once again this time of year brings difficult news, difficult situations. Will I forget the good, in light of the weighty matters?O, Lord, may it not be so!
Bring to mind my wonderful memories of carrying her, of sharing little moments with Steven, moments only he and I have with her. Help me to remember her moving within me, full of life and promise! Help me remember those nights spent lying awake dreaming of my firstborn! Help me to recapture the joys of that time!
Above all, help me to feel your overshadowing love for me. Remind me that death is NOT the end. One day, dear Lord, one day....
Jesus, hold my little one close and kiss her for me. Tell her how much she is missed and loved. How I long for the day when I will join her in praising and worshipping You. The day when all this pain and sorrow will be left behind, and truly, only joy remain!
Enable me now to keep on, to be strong, to love the son You have allowed me to keep. How precious he is. What a gift! What an answer to my cries! Show me how to be a strength, a help to the man I love, as he too grieves our daughter. May Your love and grace sourround and uplift us over the next few days.
Thank you Father, for all your promises-- promises fulfilled, promises to come! Thank you for redemption, for adoption, for salvation, for Your Son my Saviour! May I never lose sight of the bigger picture! Hold close to my heart the knowledge of YOUR Child's life and death and all it accomplishes for me. I love you , Lord.