It's amazing to me to look back over the last four months and see how the Lord has provided for us, and how He began in the months previous, to prepare us for what was coming. As most of you know, my husband has not worked since mid-December. We never could have imagined a time like this in our lives, but through each week, each month of bills and needs, the Lord's guiding hand is so evidently present. I wish I could have more clearly seen Him working in the moment, but He has helped me through those times of weakness and fear.
It seems more change is coming our way. More than likely, Steven will be put on lay-off status in about three weeks. We have many decisions to make, one of which is whether to venture out and start our own business. This is something we've thought about, talked about, sought counsel over. I have been praying for the Lord to lead us and show my husband how to best provide for our family. I ask that you pray with me as we must make these decision very soon. It's no longer a concept for the future. We are called upon to take that step NOW.
It's scary. I can't lie and say I'm completely at peace. Reality is that I'm about to go into my third trimester with our fourth child. There are and will be many more medical bills. There are and will be many more extra needs. There are and always will be those bills that show up every month demanding attention. I struggle with many emotions and fears, but I'm striving to rest in the knowledge that there is a God in heaven Who has promised to provide every need, and to be with us every step of the way, whatever comes. My desire is that I will grow in my ability to trust during the coming months. I WANT TO TRUST. I don't want to doubt and fear. I want to be able to boldly say to my children and my husband that we have nothing to fear, that the Lord will provide, and REALLY mean it and not just be "towing the line," saying what I should say.
"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!"
Again, please pray for the Lord to lead us in the way He desires us to go. Pray for wisdom for my husband as he must make the final decisions and put everything in order for us to move forward. Pray for me, that I would have abiding peace and faith in my God who cannot, will not, fail. Pray for my children that they might also be able to rest in Jesus and know that all is well. As young as they are, they can sense all these changes and the stress that I have been facing. Pray that I will be a good mother to them and a calm help to my husband.